you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
