Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
