His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
