every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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