We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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