All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
