I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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