my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
