so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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