Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Your penis caused this!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
