You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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