please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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