dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
