The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
