The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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