omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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