So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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