I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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