i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize