pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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