I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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