he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
