I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
