Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
