remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize