The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This is my gift to your gina
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
