So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
don't judge my taste in strippers
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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