I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
