The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
a search helicopter?!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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