i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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