you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize