I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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