sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
