I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
