Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
