Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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