I just gift wrapped bread.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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