The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
