Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
