just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize