Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
