we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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