We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
