with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize