I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
