2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
