at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
