We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
