Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We had sex on a dog bed..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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