Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
