Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
me + whiskey = a bad person
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
