Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
