i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
