i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize