Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
