Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
