I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize