Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
