is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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