honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
