Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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