I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
