Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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