He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
