I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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