i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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