I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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